Unofficial Tex Murphy

You're just about as useless as JPEGs to Helen Keller…


Weird Al Yankovic in "It's all about the Pentiums"

After the scandal and trial that ruined him in England, Oscar Wilde, the most elegant man who ever lived, spent his last days dying of meningitis in a cheap rented room in Paris. The last words often attributed to him (though to be honest there's no proof): "Either this wallpaper goes, or I do!"

On the tombstone of W. C. Fields: "On the whole, I'd rather be in Philadelphia."

"There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in his home."

-- Ken Olsen, founder of Digital Equipment Corporation (DEC), 1977

"There are three types of people in this world: those who can do math and those who can't."

"It's only 99% of lawyers that give the other 1% a bad name."

And one that's always good to insert into a threat:

"You'll run faster than a French boarder guard with track shoes."

For Jim: as a Philadelphian by birth and a fact freak by nature, I can tell you that the W.C. Fields epitaph, though correct, is misinterpreted by most everyone today. Remember, Fields spent his early life a s a touring vaudevillian. Philadelphia's audiences were known throughout vaudeville as the toughest to please. Fields was alluding to how much performers hated to play to Philadelphians - he didn't have any other particular feelings about the city.

"Give me a woman who really loves beer and and I will conquer the
world..." - Kaiser Wilhelm II

Thanks, Harry, I did not know that!

Saw this on the wall of a customer's house:

"Life's journey is not to arrive safely at the grave in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways totally worn out shouting: 'Holy crap! What a ride!'"

"Good deeds are like pissing yourself in dark pants. There's a warm feeling, but no one notices."

-Mass Effect 2

"As far as I know, art's just another guy from Brooklyn".

-Hank Moody, Californication

Bests, Rockefeller

"If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe." - Carl Sagan

~Keck

“The U.S. Constitution doesn’t guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself.”

- Benjamin Franklin