Unofficial Tex Murphy

Please do not try these!

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

1. If you are choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water
down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.
2. Avoid cutting yourself slicing vegetables by getting someone else to
hold while you chop.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using
the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for
a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use
a timer.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you
from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze
button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you
will be afraid to cough.
7. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move an d should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
8. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

Well that woke me up and ill keep an eye out for the wife now/

1,5 and 6 had me laughing out loud

I know a guy who deserves #5 played on him. Will film and let you know how it goes

-Fred

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using
the sink.

Hahah

Only you could think of something like that, Fred.

Jim the old guy wrote:7. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

As a shade tree mechanic, I think these are words to live by.