Just thought I would update my friends here with a bit of my personal life, and based on the title you can probably guess to what I am referring...
My current partner of almost 3 and a half years and I have decided to part ways. By part ways, I mean; we are still going to remain good friends, as we were before we started seeing each other, but aside from that the relationship is officially over.
We broke up on mutual terms this afternoon. We both had an inkling it might come to this eventually but never actually though we would be here so soon. It started when she mentioned that she wanted to buy a house together, which is of course a huge step. I adore her to bits but deep down I was not ready to settle into that kind of commitment. I still believe 24 years of age is very young and that there is a lot more to come in my life which may involve new experiences and require certain freedoms which I would have to sacrifice if I followed the path she wanted me to take. So we both became very honest about what we thought about our future together and what we wanted in life, and we came to the conclusion that it would be best if we parted ways and followed our own dreams to their fullest.
She said that she started to realise this a while back (with regards to where my heart was at), but like me was happy to remain as we were for as long as we could. But of course she has her life goals and I have mine. Besides, we both realise that its better to go our separate ways now and chase our own dreams rather than sacrifice them for the sake of a relationship in which you hold your missed opportunities against one another.
I guess it has not hit me as hard yet but I know it will, especially when you start to miss things about the person you spent so much of your time with. We are still under the one roof, but realise it would be better to spend some time apart for a while to be with friends, family and alone with our own thoughts. So it looks like she is going to stay with her parents for a few weeks... but may have to come back and stay here again until the lease for the unit is over in 4 months time to help with the ridiculously high rent. It may be awkward, but I believe the period apart is essential at least.
I am very proud of her and what she has contributed to my life, and am grateful for those years in which she helped shape me into the person I am today, so we are optimistic that we will remain the best of friends for a long time to come. I will always love her, but in the meantime until we can get over things I guess I will need to figure out what to do with myself, and be with my friends during the rough times.
Anyway, that's life.
If anyone has some words to say, advice to give, or has nothing to say at all, I appreciate you taking the time to read this. Rest assured though, I will have bounced back soon enough.
-Cub.
My current partner of almost 3 and a half years and I have decided to part ways. By part ways, I mean; we are still going to remain good friends, as we were before we started seeing each other, but aside from that the relationship is officially over.
We broke up on mutual terms this afternoon. We both had an inkling it might come to this eventually but never actually though we would be here so soon. It started when she mentioned that she wanted to buy a house together, which is of course a huge step. I adore her to bits but deep down I was not ready to settle into that kind of commitment. I still believe 24 years of age is very young and that there is a lot more to come in my life which may involve new experiences and require certain freedoms which I would have to sacrifice if I followed the path she wanted me to take. So we both became very honest about what we thought about our future together and what we wanted in life, and we came to the conclusion that it would be best if we parted ways and followed our own dreams to their fullest.
She said that she started to realise this a while back (with regards to where my heart was at), but like me was happy to remain as we were for as long as we could. But of course she has her life goals and I have mine. Besides, we both realise that its better to go our separate ways now and chase our own dreams rather than sacrifice them for the sake of a relationship in which you hold your missed opportunities against one another.
I guess it has not hit me as hard yet but I know it will, especially when you start to miss things about the person you spent so much of your time with. We are still under the one roof, but realise it would be better to spend some time apart for a while to be with friends, family and alone with our own thoughts. So it looks like she is going to stay with her parents for a few weeks... but may have to come back and stay here again until the lease for the unit is over in 4 months time to help with the ridiculously high rent. It may be awkward, but I believe the period apart is essential at least.
I am very proud of her and what she has contributed to my life, and am grateful for those years in which she helped shape me into the person I am today, so we are optimistic that we will remain the best of friends for a long time to come. I will always love her, but in the meantime until we can get over things I guess I will need to figure out what to do with myself, and be with my friends during the rough times.
Anyway, that's life.
If anyone has some words to say, advice to give, or has nothing to say at all, I appreciate you taking the time to read this. Rest assured though, I will have bounced back soon enough.
-Cub.
I admire that you feel comfortable sharing that with us, Cub.
The only thing I can really say is that I'm glad you two were able to end your relationship maturely, and care enough about each other to remain good friends. Ending or losing a relationship is never a fun thing to go through, but when it ends on mutual and respectful terms, that's the best you can ask for. I had one very nasty breakup just over three and a half years ago that took me sometime to get over. Due to the circumstances, and how the breakup went, I still prefer to not talk with that person.
Just remember that time heals all wounds, and if you do reach a point where you feel like grieving for the relationship, that is perfectly fine. Give yourself the time you need to heal, and trust yourself and know that you will. Also, know that your friends and family will be here for you.
The only thing I can really say is that I'm glad you two were able to end your relationship maturely, and care enough about each other to remain good friends. Ending or losing a relationship is never a fun thing to go through, but when it ends on mutual and respectful terms, that's the best you can ask for. I had one very nasty breakup just over three and a half years ago that took me sometime to get over. Due to the circumstances, and how the breakup went, I still prefer to not talk with that person.
Just remember that time heals all wounds, and if you do reach a point where you feel like grieving for the relationship, that is perfectly fine. Give yourself the time you need to heal, and trust yourself and know that you will. Also, know that your friends and family will be here for you.
Sorry to hear the relationship won't go the distance... At least you both seem to have an understanding of that... Doesn't mean it isn't hurtful or sad for either of you... Remaining friends after an intimate relationship isn't always easy, but you said you were friends before the relationship, so it's in your favor that the friendship will last...
Good Luck to you Cub, I'm sure you'll find what makes you happiest... And as you said, you are only 24, there is still plenty of life left for you to enjoy and experience...
Good Luck to you Cub, I'm sure you'll find what makes you happiest... And as you said, you are only 24, there is still plenty of life left for you to enjoy and experience...
The Paved Straight Road, Won't Always Get You Farther Than The Winding Dirt Road...
Can You Run Your Game??? Click Here And Find Out...
*Note, Not All Games Have Been Tested & Therefore May Not Be Listed...
Can You Run Your Game??? Click Here And Find Out...
*Note, Not All Games Have Been Tested & Therefore May Not Be Listed...
As the resident expert on ended relationships for any and many various reasons, I can only add my sympathies and tell you that it's not an end, it's a new beginning.
Besides, you still being friends is a good thing, never forget that. Ever.
-Fred
Besides, you still being friends is a good thing, never forget that. Ever.
-Fred
Pirates, vampires, zombies, ninjas, ghouls, aliens, goblins, monsters, robots, sorcerers, undead, werewolves, demons, mutated dinosaur-cyborgs and those pesky phone salesmen! The shotgun is a one-size-fits-all solution!
sorry to hear your news cub,
it will be extremely awkward when she comes back but the only thing I could suggest is to fine someone to share the rent with so you can save the friendship.
I have given relationships a miss sometime ago & I am happier this way. Relationships are too painful. I like the fact I know where I am going & I don't have to answer to anyone.
Some people have a need & cannot be without but I am not like that.
It's good that you both could see where the relationship was heading now & so many people stay in relationships unhappy & their lives are miserable. I for one could never understand that.
good luck anyway
it will be extremely awkward when she comes back but the only thing I could suggest is to fine someone to share the rent with so you can save the friendship.
I have given relationships a miss sometime ago & I am happier this way. Relationships are too painful. I like the fact I know where I am going & I don't have to answer to anyone.
Some people have a need & cannot be without but I am not like that.
It's good that you both could see where the relationship was heading now & so many people stay in relationships unhappy & their lives are miserable. I for one could never understand that.
good luck anyway
Lynne
tex murphy is back in town
tex murphy is back in town
Well we spoke on the phone today, and she has decided to move out completely this week back home until she finds a new place of her own. I will have to do the same, and look to find my own place too.
She is also going to take most of the the furniture with her, but is willing to pay for her half of it when she takes it. I can see how this could possibly turn ugly, but I figured for the sake of both of us it is best this way. Besides, it was me in the end who did not feel as optimistic as she did about the relationship, and its not as if she wants anything for nothing.
I get to keep my PC, PS3, Wii and TV and all my usual gizmos and gadgets... but I fear that ending the rental agreement short will incur some expenses... but it beats paying out the remaining 4 months, that's for sure.
Oh well, it probably hurts a bit more now that I have fully realised what we will have to do over the next few weeks.
-Cub.
She is also going to take most of the the furniture with her, but is willing to pay for her half of it when she takes it. I can see how this could possibly turn ugly, but I figured for the sake of both of us it is best this way. Besides, it was me in the end who did not feel as optimistic as she did about the relationship, and its not as if she wants anything for nothing.
I get to keep my PC, PS3, Wii and TV and all my usual gizmos and gadgets... but I fear that ending the rental agreement short will incur some expenses... but it beats paying out the remaining 4 months, that's for sure.
Oh well, it probably hurts a bit more now that I have fully realised what we will have to do over the next few weeks.
-Cub.
It's the small victories in the end...Cubase wrote:I get to keep my PC, PS3, Wii and TV and all my usual gizmos and gadgets...
So neither of you can afford the place by yourself, that sucks... Well the experience sure won't kill either of you and what doesn't kill us makes us stronger...
The Paved Straight Road, Won't Always Get You Farther Than The Winding Dirt Road...
Can You Run Your Game??? Click Here And Find Out...
*Note, Not All Games Have Been Tested & Therefore May Not Be Listed...
Can You Run Your Game??? Click Here And Find Out...
*Note, Not All Games Have Been Tested & Therefore May Not Be Listed...
Cub, that's possible the most courageous posts i've read on this board. I know i'd be reluctant to share with anyone, especially in an online forum. But, I think this says a lot about you and your trust for us - so thank you.
As for the break-up, that can't be easy. But I must say you've had the type of break-up that a lot of ex-couples wished they could have had. Instead of a confrontational and bitter argument, you've both put your cards on the table, talked it over and reached a mutual agreement. It's quite amicable and the fact that you'll both be in touch as friends is quite inspiring because no matter what stage a relationship is at, you've proven it's still possible to find a positive in it, even in the down times. I hate to say it, but i'm sure once i'm in a relationship I will discover similar issues. When that time comes, I will think of this thread and may even re-visit it.
You have nothing to be ashamed of. We're both the same age but you've still covered more ground in terms of life experience than I have, so take everything that has happened over the last week as a stepping stone toward greater wisdom.
Thanks once again for sharing and I regret to hear that this has happened. But as time goes by, you and your ex may humbly smile for the decision that was made and that can only make the friendship between the pair of you stronger.
Hang in there, it's only the beginning
As for the break-up, that can't be easy. But I must say you've had the type of break-up that a lot of ex-couples wished they could have had. Instead of a confrontational and bitter argument, you've both put your cards on the table, talked it over and reached a mutual agreement. It's quite amicable and the fact that you'll both be in touch as friends is quite inspiring because no matter what stage a relationship is at, you've proven it's still possible to find a positive in it, even in the down times. I hate to say it, but i'm sure once i'm in a relationship I will discover similar issues. When that time comes, I will think of this thread and may even re-visit it.
You have nothing to be ashamed of. We're both the same age but you've still covered more ground in terms of life experience than I have, so take everything that has happened over the last week as a stepping stone toward greater wisdom.
Thanks once again for sharing and I regret to hear that this has happened. But as time goes by, you and your ex may humbly smile for the decision that was made and that can only make the friendship between the pair of you stronger.
Hang in there, it's only the beginning
I'm afraid I have little to none post-breakup advice to give. The only serious breakup I ever went through occurred in the worse possible circumstances I could probably imagine, and I doubt it'll ever heal properly.
This said! I know nothing of your relationship, but we've come to know a good deal about you over the years, and from what you just described, it was the only possible outcome for your mutual happiness.
There are probably as many definitions of the concept of relationship as there are individuals, but as far as life goals are concerned it can only go in a limited amount of ways; One of you lives through the other, you both live your distinct existence while going through life together, or you both live the same goal/dream together.
I find the first scenario to be extremely unhealthy, but it suits a good deal of people, and I'm not about to judge that. I doubt it's your case though. The second scenario would be my personal pick, and was something that was obviously not possible for the two of you, considering your mutual life projects were simply not compatible. The third one was by default impossible in your case. If you both lived the same life, one of you would've lived through the other, which brings us back to case one. When A, B and C don't work, there necessarily is a D that's more suited to your reality. In your case, it was a breakup.
I doubt you will truly get over it, for the same reasons we never get over the death of a friend or relative, but like everything else in life, the good and the bad, it all comes down to how you live, react and adapt to it that determines the rest to come. Don't fight whatever feelings come next, but don't get controlled or defined by them either. Once you will get the impression that the same thoughts keep coming back, especially so when seeing her again, it will be time to put them aside, and then move on. Don't try to fix the past in your head. We all do it, sometimes for the most mundane failures, but it doesn't work. Nothing good ever comes out of it.
Best of luck, and I think it's safe to assume you will always find friendly ears, or rather eyes, around here, if there's anything else you wish to discuss
This said! I know nothing of your relationship, but we've come to know a good deal about you over the years, and from what you just described, it was the only possible outcome for your mutual happiness.
There are probably as many definitions of the concept of relationship as there are individuals, but as far as life goals are concerned it can only go in a limited amount of ways; One of you lives through the other, you both live your distinct existence while going through life together, or you both live the same goal/dream together.
I find the first scenario to be extremely unhealthy, but it suits a good deal of people, and I'm not about to judge that. I doubt it's your case though. The second scenario would be my personal pick, and was something that was obviously not possible for the two of you, considering your mutual life projects were simply not compatible. The third one was by default impossible in your case. If you both lived the same life, one of you would've lived through the other, which brings us back to case one. When A, B and C don't work, there necessarily is a D that's more suited to your reality. In your case, it was a breakup.
I doubt you will truly get over it, for the same reasons we never get over the death of a friend or relative, but like everything else in life, the good and the bad, it all comes down to how you live, react and adapt to it that determines the rest to come. Don't fight whatever feelings come next, but don't get controlled or defined by them either. Once you will get the impression that the same thoughts keep coming back, especially so when seeing her again, it will be time to put them aside, and then move on. Don't try to fix the past in your head. We all do it, sometimes for the most mundane failures, but it doesn't work. Nothing good ever comes out of it.
Best of luck, and I think it's safe to assume you will always find friendly ears, or rather eyes, around here, if there's anything else you wish to discuss
Part-Time Nomad
Oh man, Cub! I'm sorry to hear about the breakup. You really were a great couple. At least that's the impression I got when I visited you a month ago in Sydney.
But I have to say that it's big of you to share the news with all of us here. And it's very admirable the way, you parted ways. It's ALWAYS hard to break up a relationship, and it takes time to heal and move on. I'm confident though that you will get through this as the best of friends
As for break ups I must say that I've had a few of these myself - one of them was even after a 3 year relationship. That break up was a bit nasty though as my ex and I didn't exactly agree on the reasons for the break up, and she tried desperately to make me change my mind. That just assured me even more that it was the right thing for me to do That's also why I'm not in touch with her today simply to spare her for more grief. She's tried several times since to become friends with me on various networks (Facebook and such) and through that I've seen that she's remained single ever since our break up. I know, I wouldn't want to write with her and tell her how happy I am in my life right now. That may just break her even more.
With this in mind - I must say I really admire you, Cub! I admire the fact that you two could sit down and talk this through like adults. I admire that you both have different goals in life and are not afraid to say that out loud. I admire that you can reach a mutual agreement and still be friends. And I really admire your openness about this - considering the difficult situation you're in. I feel with you.
It's a pity that you have to move out of the apartment. It is a great little place, you have, but I also know that it costs quite a bit. Hopefully you'll find something equally great somewhere.
I hope everything is well with you despite all this! Make sure you spend a lot of time with family and friends during the harder times. We're here for you!
But I have to say that it's big of you to share the news with all of us here. And it's very admirable the way, you parted ways. It's ALWAYS hard to break up a relationship, and it takes time to heal and move on. I'm confident though that you will get through this as the best of friends
As for break ups I must say that I've had a few of these myself - one of them was even after a 3 year relationship. That break up was a bit nasty though as my ex and I didn't exactly agree on the reasons for the break up, and she tried desperately to make me change my mind. That just assured me even more that it was the right thing for me to do
That's also why I'm not in touch with her today simply to spare her for more grief. She's tried several times since to become friends with me on various networks (Facebook and such) and through that I've seen that she's remained single ever since our break up. I know, I wouldn't want to write with her and tell her how happy I am in my life right now. That may just break her even more.With this in mind - I must say I really admire you, Cub! I admire the fact that you two could sit down and talk this through like adults. I admire that you both have different goals in life and are not afraid to say that out loud. I admire that you can reach a mutual agreement and still be friends. And I really admire your openness about this - considering the difficult situation you're in. I feel with you.
It's a pity that you have to move out of the apartment. It is a great little place, you have, but I also know that it costs quite a bit. Hopefully you'll find something equally great somewhere.
I hope everything is well with you despite all this! Make sure you spend a lot of time with family and friends during the harder times. We're here for you!
.
Sorry to hear the news matey. I hope you're both ok through this.
From a 35 year old's point of view there is no right or wrong answer out there. Or if there is I haven't found it. I was 24 and dated a girl who didn't want to get married and have kids. Five years later my views changed but hers didn't and so we broke up (I think I put the post here too!)
I do hope that it's for the best, but I'm also glad you can stay good friends. I hope things can still go smoothly when one/both of you meet someone else. That will be a really tough time.
I just wish you all the best and anything else I can do, I would. I guess from this side of the world there's probably little more I can do than pour a drink and raise my glass to wish you health, and happiness.
Actually, that sort of reminds me. I moved in with my girlfriend in the new year, and we were packing our things up and it wouldn't all fit in the car, so guess what gets poured down the sink? Yep, a nearly full bottle of a good Bushmills. My heart sank.
From a 35 year old's point of view there is no right or wrong answer out there. Or if there is I haven't found it. I was 24 and dated a girl who didn't want to get married and have kids. Five years later my views changed but hers didn't and so we broke up (I think I put the post here too!)
I do hope that it's for the best, but I'm also glad you can stay good friends. I hope things can still go smoothly when one/both of you meet someone else. That will be a really tough time.
I just wish you all the best and anything else I can do, I would. I guess from this side of the world there's probably little more I can do than pour a drink and raise my glass to wish you health, and happiness.
Actually, that sort of reminds me. I moved in with my girlfriend in the new year, and we were packing our things up and it wouldn't all fit in the car, so guess what gets poured down the sink? Yep, a nearly full bottle of a good Bushmills. My heart sank.
David
Sorry you had to go through this Cub. I don't think I can say anything that hasn't already been said so eloquently but you're obviously a very mature and kind person with a lot of talent and deserve to be happy in whatever you do. I certainly admire that you have had the courage to go for what you feel is right and stick to your dreams. You've obviously thought into this and come to the decision that will ultimately benefit you both the most. So many people, and people I have known myself, stay in unfulfliling or restrictive relationships where either they suffer or the both of them suffer. Its great that you will still be able to keep in contact.
I hope that you will make sure to take care of yourself and treat yourself during this transition phase and be sure to open up whenever you feel the need to (friends, family, people here and any other support). Throw yourself into your dreams and ambitions for awhile and reap the benefits, just to show to yourself that you made the right choice for yourself.
Best regards.
I hope that you will make sure to take care of yourself and treat yourself during this transition phase and be sure to open up whenever you feel the need to (friends, family, people here and any other support). Throw yourself into your dreams and ambitions for awhile and reap the benefits, just to show to yourself that you made the right choice for yourself.
Best regards.
(Ruri_Ayanami from the old Tex Murphy ezboard).
"I don't believe in intuition, don't know why... just a feeling." - Tex Murphy
"I don't believe in intuition, don't know why... just a feeling." - Tex Murphy
It is hard to hear things like this, if happed anyone on this forum (I am not so active to put messeages, but I read almost all of them), especialy core member as you. I have to say, that it must take a lot of power to finish relationship after more than 3 years, I am whiping off.
I had some brokes too, and my advice is: spend your time with your friends and dont think so much.
Welcome on the new begining.
I had some brokes too, and my advice is: spend your time with your friends and dont think so much.
Welcome on the new begining.