Unofficial Tex Murphy

My wife and I heard this the other day and thought you might find it equally as humorous as we. A woman author was being interviewed on the Today show and here is what she said: "When I was 20 I was a 36D (obviously her bra size), but now that I am 50 I am a 38 Long." We fell onto the floor laughing at that one. I mean, why did Newton need an apple to fall on his head to discover gravity when its been happening to women for eons?

If you have a funny quote, please share it with the rest of us. Tex quotes especially welcomed.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a bannana.

'Goodbye cruel Adventure Game... ahh forget it'

Said by Guybrush Threepwood if you tell him to jump off a cliff in Escape from Monkey Island.

Is that what you're looking for in a man? A farter?

Tucker in There's Something About Mary

I sat back in my couch one evening gazing at the stars and began to ponder: where the heck is my roof?

I've always been a fan of the saying 'you always take what you give'... but ever since coming out of the closet that mere thought of it scares me to death

Excercise is a wonderful option until it is exhausted.

Dreams have always been considered a parallel world to ours, and more often than none the 'falling' or 'running through molasses' dreams scare us stiff. So do people in the dream world go to sleep and freak out when they have dreams about stading up, and running very fast?

A little girl no older than 8 came up to me and said "my gosh, you are really old! How old are you". I told her I was 21 years old, and that was becuase when you reach 100 you start to go backwards again until you reach 0, and pass away. The girl, initially taken in by my sincerity then gave off a cheeky laugh of discredit... so I replied: "well don't just stand there laughing, you've only got 8 years left!".

-Cub. =o)

Times have changed, in the old days being on line meant hanging the clothes out.

"No matter where you go, there you are." Pig Killer in Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome.

"I did not attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it."

-Mark Twain

"I have never made but one prayer unto God, a very brief one: 'O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.' And He granted it."

-Voltaire

"Watch me do something clever!"

-Fred

"There are two things I keep forgetting. . . . . . . . ."

-- Victor Borge

You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.



and.....


Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

Not that I condone fascism, or any -ism for that matter... -Ism's in my opinion are not good... A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in himself... I quote John Lennon, "I don't believe in Beatles, I just believe in me." Good point there... After all, he was the walrus... I could be the walrus... I'd still have to bum rides off people...



The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands. It's a good non-specific symptom; I'm a big believer in it... A lot of people will tell you that a good phony fever is a dead lock, but, uh... you get a nervous mother, you could wind up in a doctor's office... That's worse than school... You fake a stomach cramp, and when you're bent over, moaning and wailing, you lick your palms... It's a little childish and stupid, but then, so is high school...



Excuse me, if whoever was in this house is still in the house, I'd like you to know that I've just called the police... I'd also like to add that I've got my father's gun and a *scorching* case of herpes.

"I am NOT in favor of the marriage but I will support the reception." Jim TOG

"The only difference between a funeral eulogy and a wedding is the position of the bodies." Jim TOG's brother

"If a chicken and a half laid an egg and a half in a day and a half.....how long is a cowboy's lariat?" Jim TOG's dad

"Shut up and go to bed." Jim TOG's mom.....amd we did!

"Leave the gun. Take the cannoli."

-- Peter "Fat" Clemenza

"According to new research, couples who have been together for more than 20 years can still be just as much in love as people who are at the beginning stage of a relationship... The keys are, a healthy sex life and making sure your spouse doesn't find out about your healthy sex life..."

Funny, Baf, very funny.

Someone once asked me if I was a procrastinator. I thought for several moments and then said: "Let me get back to you on that."
True story.