Unofficial Tex Murphy

This came from my wonderful daughter in Florida:

Men Are Just Happier People ...


What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays
put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can
never get pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You
never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one
is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to
turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress: $5000.00. Tux rental: $100.00. People never stare at
your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered
belch is not only appreciated by your friends, but practically
expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One
mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all
your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of
thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can
still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have
strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your
clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle
lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and
neck. You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually
hides your hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all
seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can
"do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice
concerning growing a mustache.

All of a sudden ... I love life again. Thank you for posting that Jim! Now I know why!

Yeah it's pretty sweet to be one of us, I must say.

Maybe I missed it, but there was no mention of another benefit: we don't have that one weekend per month when we are savaged by nature's little joke: menstruation.

A weekend per month? Um....ever talked to a woman about that?
Cause you are a wee bit misguided here. 3-5 days of fun, plus the 2-5 days of hormones gone wild, swelling and poor mood preamble known as PMS.

So yeah. You bet if it was something men got, they'd be working on a cure faster than you can say Viagra.


But...I'm not bitter, you know!



Ps....and speaking of Viagra, say hello to our newest Member!!!

The newest registered user is VIAGRA-CIALIS

Our newest member is a little stiff, but you'd all know better than I!!!

Seeing as I am a force of jollyness and levity on this board, I will now calmly and casually utilize my position to imply that to you, dear Jen, that you just set yourself up for the CHEAP-SHOT OF THE MILLENIUM. <coughs>

Ofc we're all tasteful, subtle, polite and well-mannered here, so we will do our best not to take advantage of the afore-mentioned discount-argument.

I know what you meant by that little added joke at the end of your post there, but... c'mon... You have to see the double-innuendo there?

I'll just end up saying you made me laugh - twice

-Fred

I'm pretty sure it was intentional, Fred.

As always, your post was straight to the point, hard hitting and not too long, Jen. Oh, btw, I liked the V-C innuendo as well.

Here here!

My apologies for sugar-coating the plight of women during the multi-day ordeal you all go through each month. If it's any consolation, we males often suffer during these....periods...as well.

I said DOUBLE innuendo... Geez, you guys didn't even get it

To spell it out for you, Jen said "Our newest member is a little stiff, but you'd all know better than I!!!"

Using assumption I can now go on to take the cheap shot she set up with "Oh yeah Jen, been so long since last time, you've forgotten what stiff feels like?" (or similar..)

There. I spelled it out for you. The cheap shot I was sure EVERYONE was gonna take.

Disclaimer: This has been an effort to show what cheap shot there was, and in no way harming to our dear Jen. Thank you.

-Fred

PS: I only hope someone'll laugh at this, since laughter is the only force I wield. If I spark a census here, please feel free to shut me down like a robot gone haywire.

PPS: I so seldom get to use the word 'haywire' in a conversation.

Dude, I got that.

I think the others did too...

Uh huh. Yeah, we sure did!

*sheesh*

Fred, Fred, Fred....if you only knew.

Jen wrote:Fred, Fred, Fred....if you only knew.

Knew what, Jennifer?

I'm not retreating from this discussion. I'm advancing in reverse!

(Ten bonus points to whoever recognizes that line!)

And coincidentally, that's all he wrote!

-Fred

Apropos, cheap shot!

Fred Buer wrote:There. I spelled it out for you.

Didn't you want to say spilled it out.